Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
