five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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