I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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