Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
