Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
