At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
