i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
