you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
