at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
