i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
