Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
