Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
