Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
