He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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