trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
