Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
