there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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