so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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