dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
