This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
