I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
