my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
