She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
