I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
