I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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