How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
