Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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