dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
