she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
