Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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