Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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