To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
