Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
high people should be assigned attendants
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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