So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
