I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
