wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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