i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
