i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
