; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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