i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
