dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
