and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
