Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
