every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
