So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
