8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
