Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
