are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Shame - the story of my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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