Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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