You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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