My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
