woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
